Kokoro wo fukinukeru sora no iro kaoru kaze...

I can’t think straight

Whenever I’m not with you, my heart is constantly skipping beats. I feel it squirm uneasily under my chest. Missing you tastes so bitter. I’m snuggled up in your shirt, on your old memory foam pillow with the pooh bear pillow case :3 oh my god i miss being so safe and carefree in your arms every night baby. I hate being separated from you. I feel so scared and lonely without you to share this place with. I will never feel more content than I do when I’m with you. When you put your arm around me and pull my head on to your chest, listening to the sound of your heartbeat puts me to sleep. Something I miss the luxury of hearing every night. Youre getting so strong. I feel like I’m missing all the good stuff sometimes… you put so much into your work that by the time you get home if you have the time to see me all that’s left is the tired grumpy Dylan who’s annoyed by my kisses and just wants to sleep. I miss you so much when I don’t see you. I don’t think you have any idea. You take care of me like no one else can. It doesn’t matter that you can’t spend money on me right now… you make me feel so good. So safe. So wanted. You listen to me and notice when I need something. You stand up for me and support me and motivate me. I want to put 100% of my trust in you… just let you control my life and choose what’s best for me. I want to be your possession. I feel like it would all be so much easier that way… for me at least. Maybe not you. You do seem to enjoy being in control though ;)
I’m so lucky to call you my man. You’re so beautiful inside and out.
I wonder if you’ll ever know I feel like that.

Baby,

I love you. Please marry me. Cuddle with me in our big warm bed every night and play with Haku with me, he misses you.
Fuck me. Every day. Shower with me, and we’ll brush our teeth and hold hands at the same time.
Let’s get high as fuck together and spend all night driving in the DJalier blasting music.

Let’s just run away together …. I’ll never let you go Dylan

Dear Dylan,

You know I love you so much, angel. Looking into your chocolatey-caramel eyes (with a peanut-butter cup in the middle ;) ) warms up my heart every time. Your beautiful smile never fails to crack one across my face, as well.
Your kind, soft voice calms me down like no other can. Your gentle nature and friendliness towards others amazes me, sometimes. Every time you hold your hand out to me, I feel a magnet in my own hand react, and fly to meet yours. Being near you, in your arms or just in your presence, is so therapeutic to me… and when I’m not, I’m so lost. You’re always on my mind.
You get so stressed out over money, like so many working class people these days. But you have so much potential and I know, in time you’ll be a success. Keep working hard every day, I’ll always be there to support you.
You know I wait so eagerly for you to come home to me after work, ready to feed you or rub your shoulders or just listen to you talk about your day. I revere you, Dylan. I have no idea why a such an astonishingly beautiful man would be satisfied sticking with an average girl like me, but I won’t ask why you adore… I’m just so happy to call you mine. I hope we have many more mornings like we did today, waking up in eachother’s arms; giggling, kissing and talking. It’s so much fun being your girlfriend, and my favorite job is taking care of you.

Hey, Dylan. Guess what?

I don’t give a fuck about your stupid, immature little love poem that you wrote a billion years ago. You can barely spell, and have a shitty vocabulary, so I’m sure your darling little guidance counselor had to beg the goddamn TeenInk people to publish it for you. 

I’m sorry I care about you. I just wanted to make you feel like what you do matters to me. You don’t have to get so over-protective of your own stupid shit, because I really couldn’t give two shits less about who you wrote a little verse about when you were 14. I only asked because you were being such a whiny bitch about me not wanting to read it a long time ago (although I can’t say I have any idea what you’re talking about when you mention that) so I thought I’d try to make it up to you. It doesn’t matter to me AT ALL, so go shove it up your ass. 

I bet it was badly worded and filled with typographical errors. You’re so hateful, and demeaning and rude to me, so this is revenge. Thankfully for you, I’m putting it on my tumblr so I don’t shove my anger in your face like you did to me.

Your penis is crooked.

Love,

Alecsandra

Yay now you all get to listen to me talk about my boyfriend

Almost every day i look back at the first night we met. The most beautiful boy I’ve ever seen, happened to also have a great personality. He rescued me from the clutches of some guy trying to get into my pants. We danced outside. We talked about drugs, sex, love, friends. We smoked butts. His cum tasted like candy. we fell asleep holding eachother on dan’s sofa.
The very next day was just as great. We tried to fuck in the backseat of his stepdad’s car and failed miserably. Long phone calls to keep the loneliness away. When tried to bring his little brother to the movies and got lost. When he bought his bowl Mushu (who we named together!!) And smoked all night at our first legit sleepover together.
“We’ve had sex every day since we met!”
When he got his car and drove me around in it… the “i love you dylan” sticker i put on his dashboard …
Drunkenly sitting on the ground next to his car in the middle of the night. Both of us crying out of fear - fear of falling: back into love, so soon. Both of us so unsure of our emotions. Blindly fumbling forward relying only on our massive attractions to eachother.
Spending days and days together. Never getting out of bed. Moving his furniture in made me so excited, i wish it was still here :/
We barely fought for the first 4 months of our relationship. When he moved out, my heart shattered. Such a lonely 2 or so months. Constantly thinking only of him. Enslaved in my mind, i still am. But when he left me i wouldn’t just let it go. I knew. I would drop anything for this man, for his love. I would DO anything. And he came back… it was rocky. It was torture. But it was worth it. Now that we actually HAVE fought like a normal couple, and we arent super-scared to hurt each other’s feelings with whatever we say, it’s like magic….
When we disagree we talk it out. We compromise. But so rarely do we disagree that it doesn’t really matter…
Falling asleep in his arms. Our legs tangled together, tummies pressed against each other. Or laying on his chest, or at his waist or his feet…. i feel so indebted to him forever. To proving to me that love is always worth it. For blessing me with his presence.

I want to have his babies. I want to be his wife. Wake up next to him every morning. Cook him every meal and rub his feet when he gets home from work. I want to take care of him and nurture him and grow with him.

every time he goes to work i feel like a puppy waiting for her owner to get home. When he walks in the door my night automatically improves. I wish he could win the lottery so he’d never have to worry about bills.

Honestly, i used to tell the boys i loved I’d do anything for them but i didnt even know what that meant. You know you’d truly do anything for a person when there’s so much you want to do but you just can’t do it all! It makes me feel so helpless… sigh. I wish i had known that much when i first told him I’d do anything for him, but i failed. Because i take him for granted. But now that i know I’ve done so, i feel like i can be hyper-aware of it. I don’t want him to feel under-appreciated when he does so much for me. He gives such great advice, buys me stuff, drives me places, and hes just almost always been there for me. I don’t ever want to lose him. If i push him away i’ll never forgive myself. This is so much of my heart. This is more than my heart. I worship this boy. I’m addicted…

Some day, maybe he’ll look back and see all the meals cooked for him, all the nights i saved him from sleeping in his car, see all this love i have. And ask me to marry him…. for real, with a ring. When we’re older. Not just our little talks about the future.

I swear he’s the one. I dont want to say i know for sure because i don’t want to be let down. But when i kiss him on the cheek and feel his soft face on my lips, i cant stop kissing him. When he lays his head on my chest and looks up at me with those heavenly eyes, i melt. When he hugs me i just want to glue myself to him and never leave his arms.

Okay, I’m gonna text him now. Byeeee.

how can you say you love me?

you literally tried to kill me. you made my nose and ears bleed, and choked me until i was almost unconcious.

you’re crazy.
you’re so crazy and i’m really glad i did what i did.